Ode to My Keys: Do Not Duplicate

Hindsight tells me that I’ve had this premonition for nearly a week, but now it’s happened. I lost my keys. Not just a home key, but a set of four vital, integral, open doors kinds of keys.

I have lit’rally torn apart my place of residence in search of them. I did find one key in the depths of the sofa, but it isn’t mine and it goes to nothing I own.

Searching for this set of keys I even googled the top places keys get lost. I don’t recommend it.  All they said was “look in the places you haven’t look yet” and "check your pockets and purse.” I looked everywhere four times and went through all the garbages twice. I even sat the places I was yesterday to try to bring back any suppressed memories in my mind palace (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Method_of_loci). I suspect I hid my keys from myself while sleepwalking. 

The current alleged culprits are: 

1) The local thief's that have stolen from condos, cars and backpacks 

2) Leprechauns

3) Someone playing a horribly unfunny prank

4) Myself 

Deep down I know it was me. I just don't want to admit it to myself. The good news is that if I can't find the keys, then the leprechauns can't either. Also, I've stress eaten three packets of Star Wars fruit snacks during this whole fiasco. Since I've created this sick game of hide and go seek with myself, I've decided in the future these locations will be where I'll hide the keys:

1) The bottom of the cereal box so that when I've eaten all the Lucky Charms, my keys will be the hidden surprise. 

2) The ignition of the car. Oh the irony of seeing the keys right before me.

3) The coat pocket of my clothing in storage, during the summer 

4) The crisper in the fridge 

5) At your house in the bottom of the coat closet 

There may be some Freudian psychology about why I hid my keys from myself. Probably the sunshine, it's too nice of a day to go outside and play. At least not while I have to stay inside house sitting.  

In the mean time, help a girl out. Where do you find your hidden keys and may I borrow your metal detector?