10 Ways to Make People Want to Talk to You

One of my personal pet peeves is a dead fish. Not the scaly and smelly kind, but the person that shuts down every attempt at polite conversation. Humans aren’t designed for isolation, we’re meant to be around people and communicating seems to be the most prevalent way we bond with others.

Individually we vary in our communication styles, but apart from the misanthropes among us, we are social creatures who like to talk. I did some research and read Robert T. Oliver’s Conversation: The Development and Expression of Personality and have pulled ten guidelines from his book on how to improve our conversations:

1.     Be original, be creative: show your personality, you aren’t boring

2.     Have confidence, people will listen when you are sure of yourself

3.     “Start conversations on a neutral topic” such as weather, never religion or politics.

4.     Keep the conversation starter topic (weather) brief and quickly lead into the real topics of the conversation

5.     “Invite responses with question” such as “I really enjoyed attending the theatre this weekend, have you been to any plays lately?”

6.     Take the lead in bridging an uncomfortable lull in the conversation

7.     Talk about topics the people around you are interested in

8.     Listen attentively when the other person is speaking

9.     Don’t change the subject abruptly, keep transitions smooth

10.  Use humor to respond to uncivil comments

The guidelines seem like no-brainers, seriously. For example, listening when the other person is speaking. Easy-peasy, but not happening in application too often. Texting, snap chatting, plain rudeness is too common in communication today and it’s good to have a reminder of the skills we learned growing up.

After reading several hundred pages on how to carry on a conversation I have to share at least one quote, “At the top peak of good listening are the skilled individuals who are capable of drawing out of a speaker better ideas than he ever knew he had” (pg. 106). Genius.

Similar to the Downton Decorum post, the foundation of good manners and carrying on a interesting conversation is to be considerate of others. Consideration of your conversational partner and a sprinkling of these ten guidelines can seriously improve your interactions and make people want to talk to you J

Comment below and share what you think. Texting interrupting your conversations, did I miss any savvy tips?


Sources

Oliver, Robert Tarbell. Conversation; the Development and Expression of Personality.Springfield, IL: C.C. Thomas, 1961. Print.